I am what they call a yachtie, which means I get to travel
around the world on a super luxurious super yacht whilst cleaning toilets and
scrubbing teak, and depending on the exchange rate, make a small fortune while
I am at it. And as far as I am concerned, yachties always have the best
stories!
You would think that this is because they get to travel to
so many countries and meet people from different cultures. Just this month I
have been allowed to explore the coast of both Italy and France and the
adventures will only get more and more exciting. But perhaps the real reason
why yachties have so many weird and wonderful stories is because their guests
have got to be the craziest loony bins in the world.
We cater to the rich who are too rich to be famous, the guys
who are secret “bajillionaires” and who would really like to remain anonymous.
But I am telling you, they are all crazy! I have seen and heard things that I
honestly never ever could have imagined in my wildest dreams and I have never
felt more normal in my life because compared to these guys, well I could be a
cardboard cut-out.
I understand that we all have subtle little quirks and that
some of us like certain things to happen in a certain way, but it was only when
I was sitting on the dock in Monaco, trimming the leaves of a pot plant to
ensure they were ”leaf”-shaped, that I realised just how strange my life had
become. And since then I have had to deal with a whole range of strange
requests.
I have polished the underside of a table in case the guests
lie on the carpet and look up. I have hidden girl number two in the cleaning
closet so that girl number one wouldn’t see her. I have watched a prostitute
pee whilst I clean her shower. And I have cleaned a wall with a Q-tip. And
these are only some of the stranger things I have come across. I have heard
stories of yachties literally cleaning shit off the ceiling and this is what
makes us interesting. These stories are what make us see the world in a
completely different light. And I think it makes me more interesting.
Or maybe it is just because I found out yesterday that I am
moving to Canada in two weeks!?!?!
